By Mark Hodge (doddleNEWS)
The 1980s was a special time for many reasons. In the action movie world, the two dominant forces were Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone, two muscle bound, ultra violent illiterates who could barely speak English.
Why did this happen? Nobody really knows. Why did it end? Who cares. All that matters is that they are back and this time they are together in prison, as a purely platonic double act- although with Schwarzenegger there is always the chance of some heavy petting.
The Tomb is the former rivals’ first proper collaboration together, and is directed by Mikael Håfström. But, this is no conventional buddy movie. It’s much worse than that.
Both of the big breasted stars play typically inconceivable characters; Stallone’s character is the world’s foremost security expert, wrongly thrown into a jail he designed, that he will inevitably escape from with the help of Arnold. Speaking of Arnold, he will play a cyber-terrorist who basically ‘runs’ the prison wing. A bit like a spoof version of Morgan Freedman in Shawshank Redemption.
Of course, the actors have been friends for decades, and Schwarzenegger revealed that they have been trying to work together for nearly 30 years.
“We’ve always talked about it, but it never happened,” says Arnold. “Somehow, we always had other movies to do, and the timing was never right. In those days you booked three movies in advance, so there was never enough time.”
And, while its easy to laugh at these ridiculous human beings, with their funny accents and sagging muscles, there is no denying that they are talented.
In fact, anyone who scoffs at Schwarzenegger should take another glance at his quite extraordinary career; Mr Universe, world’s biggest movie star and then Governor of the world’s 5th largest economy.
Indeed, while Stallone may look like something Picasso would have thrown in the garage, it is easy to forget about his performance in the first Rocky, which had some critics heralding him as the next Brando.
I have little or no expectations for this film, but you never know it could be worth the price of admission. The script was written by two hacks not even worth mentioning and stars talent vacuum Vinnie Jones, who famously sacked his agent and replaced him with an answer phone message that simply says ‘yes’.
The rest of the cast is admittedly rather interesting; including Vincent D’Onofrio, Jim Caviezel, 50 Cent and Sam Neill. The Tomb will be in theatres next year, although an official date has yet to be announced.