The Nightmare of Disney Films

By Brock Cooper (doddleNEWS)

Every kid watches Disney movies. It’s part of childhood, and even decades later, we sit down and enjoy the wonder of Snow White or Sleeping Beauty with our own children. It must be part of our nature to block out the horrendous tragedies that happen in these movies because it’s all wrapped up in a pretty bow and lyrical wonder.

Disney has never been one to pull punches and maybe that’s good thing. I guess kids need to learn about death, mayhem and a million other vices when they’re still learning to pee in a toilet. Don’t take my word for it, lets examine the warped mind of Disney.

"Dad, I'm gonna need therapy."

Parents Are Gonna DIE!

If you’re a parent in a Disney movie, odds are your days are numbered. The death of a parent is often a focal point of many Disney movies. Little Bambi’s mom is shot by the hunter, Nemo’s mom got eaten and Simba’s dad got trampled. All of these were important plot points to the movie, but what child wasn’t balling when they learned Bambi’s mom got whacked or that Simba not only lost his dad, but thought he was responsible. It’s Ok though because they sing a catchy song and fast forward a few years so no one is worse for wear. Hakuna Matata, right?

 

 

 

Murder, Murder, Murder

One thing you’ll never see on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse is Dr. Von Drake trying to take a shive to Minnie, but if you’re on the big screen all’s fair. The evil Queen orders the huntsman to kill Snow White, but he has a change of heart and she ends up shacked up with seven dwarfs. Old Yeller was a faithful and loving friend until bitten by a rabid bat and turned into a potential killing machine. All you hear is the crack of the gun and the tears of a young boy. Mufasa was killed by a plot from his brother and little Simba was nearly eaten by hyenas…and all of this was rated G. Sorry folks, but if someone or something gets killed or there is a contract killer…PG it. Replace the hyenas with Boba Fett and tell me you wouldn’t slap a PG on that movie.

 

"Sorry, but without the tusks, you just don't DO it for me."

A Pretty Harsh Punishment

I recently had the opportunity to watch Beauty and the Beast with my children. It’s a touching story of how love can overcome anything. Awww, how sweet. Lets take a look how he became the beast. An enchantress disguises herself as an old beggar woman and seeks shelter at his castle. He rebukes her and she turns him into a beast forever unless he can find love by his 21st birthday. Everyone in the castle was transformed into various household implements. They were under the curse for 10 years when he found love with Belle. That’s right. The kid was 11 and in a home with no parents. If you were 11 and a nasty old woman came knocking on your door and mom and dad weren’t around, would you let her in? Hell, no! So a precocious tween ( totally unheard of right) gets turned into the beast and has to find love by his 21st birthday. Ok, what are the odds of this working out? How many 13-year-olds find their soul mate. Beasty got lucky that Belle had a thing for hairy dudes.

 

"I don't have time, Miley Cyrus is coming over."

Drugs Are Good

We are conditioned from birth to avoid drugs. It told to us by parents, teachers and everyone that if we are users, we are losers, so don’t use drugs. Lets just start with Alice in Wonderland. She was taking some kind of shroom before anything happened because she saw a little white rabbit running around with a pocket watch. Then, she starts eating and drinking random things which make her grow and shrink. The rabbits are all on meth, the Mad Hatter is definitely on Ecstasy and I don’t even want to think about what’s in the caterpillar’s hookah. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is one of my favorite movies, but who wasn’t freaked by the sudden change from cute kids movie to psychedelic theme park ride. Marilyn Manson even parodied it for one of his videos.

 

Disney is all about the kids, especially if it requires years of therapy and incredible coping skills. It’s fun how I never really thought of this stuff as a kid and only watching it now with my children do I suddenly realize how messed up it is.

About Brock Cooper

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